So, you want to be a phreaker, and you want to do it the Quick ‘n Easy Way, eh? Well, no fear, your obdn’t servant, NightJoker is here! if you’ve been a wannabe phreaker for years, but don’t have the patience or know-how to make some of the more advanced boxes, this is for you.

This file will show how to make one of the easiest boxes, which will make your life fun, and your enemies cringe (OK, maybe not *cringe* exactly, more like be really pissed off…). Using readily available parts from your nearest Radio Shack, you too can be up there with the ranks of Cap’n Crunch (well, you’d actually have to do something pretty damn daring or revolutionary, but practice, practice, practice!).

Notice the lack of ALL CAPS or an³n®oy#¶ing giȜbb

NOTE: If you (A) can’t find the right cable, or (B) are too damn lazy, Radio Shack sells cables with a standard phone connector at one end, and spade lugs connected to the colored wires at the other end. Just cut off the connectors, and strip the wires.

How to use it:

How old is your house? If it was built or if the phone system was upgraded within the last 20 years, go to the side of the house where your gas and electrical meters are. You should find the power box (where the breakers are) that weird things with all the pipes and a meter (the gas thingie), and, maybe, a grey box with some wires attached to it. Now, this might be your cable hookup, but if there’s a Bell logo on it, that’s probably it. If you can’t find it, look in the backyard. Once you’ve found it, see if there is some sort of bolt on it. If it doesn’t have one, reach under the box, and find the edge of the cover. Grab it and pull down and out. It should open. If it doesn’t, try the sides, or the top. If it still doesn’t, look again for a bolt. If there is one, go to the handy-dandy hardware store, and get yourself a 7/16-inch hex driver. This should open the box. This can also be used to open other kinds of telco switch boxes. Once you have it open, you may see several things:

= Four wires, red, green, black, and yellow, hooked up to four posts by a screw.

= A bunch of wires – look for the red, green, black, and yellow ones.

= If you live in an apartment building, a bunch of rows of plastic, with metal tabs sticking out of them. There should be wires coming out of most of the tabs, that are colored red, green, black, and yellow. They should be labeled with apartment numbers or phone numbers. Look for yours.

= One or two thick cables, connected to something else. This is a cable box, bozo. If you want free cable, figure it out.

= A shitload of spiders. Get the RAID.

Now, get a phone – the ones that are the “slimline” kind are the best, or the kind that are just a handset, and no base are better. Plug your modified cable into this. Making sure that the switch for the handset is down, clip the red clip to the post/terminal with the red wire. This is the RING terminal. It’s usually on the right – remember the phreakers adage: ring-red-right. Connect the green clip to the green wired post/terminal. Make sure they are firmly attached, and not touching any other wires. Now, pick the phone up, and (hopefully) you should hear a dial tone. If not, adjust the clips (can’t touch any other posts, remember!). If that doesn’t work, then switch the clips (if that’s the problem, just switch the colored insulation on the clips).

If you live in an apartment building:

NOTE: first try this on your own line. That way, you can fiddle with it all you want, and not get in trouble (unless someone’s on the phone). Congrats! If it works, great! If it doesn’t, go back and check what you did.

The Phun You Can Have:

Obviously, this has to be good for something! Remember, this is literally and extension of their phone, keep that in mind. So here is some stuff:

= Make free calls. Hopefully, the box is somewhere secluded. Make all the calls you want! But, tell the person that you may have to hang up quickly. Tell them that when this happens, they should hang up quick, too. Don’t stay on for too long! You can get caught this way, if someone tries to call a lot, or someone picks up the phone and hears someone else having a conversation! Be careful.

= Getting someone in trouble. Call a radio station (most have caller ID). Start cussing your brains out. Say that everyone should worship Satan, fuck Jesus, eat SPAM, or whatever. Hopefully, they’ll track the number down. Or call a bomb threat to the police. They’ll always trace the call. Perhaps, call the operator, and start fucking around. NOTE: don’t do this to someone you don’t know. Only do it to real pricks who deserve it. And DON’T call 911. Their response is shitty already, don’t make it worse for some guy with a shard of glass in his skull.

= Eavesdropping. Get a phone that has a MUTE button. Tape it down SECURELY! If you hold it down, the line could get noisy, and they might get suspicious. Record it, and blackmail ’em if it’s juicy! But be careful, extortion is a federal offense.

Some Tips:

Try to look inconspicuous – don’t go wearing a hot pink raincoat. If going a night, wear dark clothes. Keep all your stuff in a small backpack. Case the place first – look to see if there’s a car in the driveway. Are alot of lights on? Look for the box in the obvious places – if you can’t find it, skip it. Try to find a house that looks empty or has a lot of bushes by the box. If you crouch, and it’s dark, you might not be seen by the idle jogger or walker. If you’re paranoid, wear a fake moustache. Also, wear gloves. People are paranoid and might get the box dusted. (You can never be too careful!) If someone does pick up the phone whale you are doing your stuff, either hang up, or, for a better chance at them not coming out, say something like “Oops, must be a crossed line.” Maybe say something about the phone guys doing something on the poles this morning. In either case, LEAVE FAST! Don’t forget to close the box, or they’ll know someone was there. And always tell the person you are talking to that you might have to leave quick, and they should hang up quick also.

If you are over 21, try to look like a telco guy. Get a fishing tackle box, and but your stuff in it. If someone hears something on the line, and then sees a telco guy walking away, they might not get suspicious. Or, if you can get a REAL telco outfit, complete with belt with all the tools, and an orange/blue/yellow hard hat with the local service logo, get really ballsy, and knock on the door
and say “Hello ma’am/sir, I need to run some line tests, we’ve been having some problems with the trunk lines, and I need to check some of the houses on this block. Could you not use the phone for the next half an hour? Thanks.” Try not to piss in your pants.

Right before you leave, tell them “All done here, thanks.” Remember to spray-paint the phone orange. Oh, and another thing, don’t do it in your own neighborhood! Someone might see you, or there might be a nosy old guy across the street, and he might say “Joe, I saw that kid of Marty’s snooping around today.” Busted. Also, be wary of “Neighborhood Watch” areas – this is full of people with binoculars and 911 on the speed dial. If someone happens to see you messing with their stuff, look as innocent as possible. Say something like “My friends dared me to do it – they said I was chicken unless I went to someone’s house and called them! Please, don’t tell anyone! My parents will KILL me! Please oh please!. Oh god, Uncle Gene’s going to kill me! Oh Jesus, please! I was just trying to prove something to my friends!” Maybe start to sob. You might just get off with a lecture. If you are wearing some sort of disguise, maybe try to make a run for it. Ditch the disguise and make like nothing happened. Another thing – you may want to buy a 10–20-foot cable, so you can connect to their phone box, and sit in the bushes a bit away, and have your phun.

Advanced Stuff for The Beige Box:

If you know what you are doing, here’s some suggestions:

= Wire a switch in line with the microphone so you can flip it in and out of the circuit. This is a helluva lot cleaner than a MUTE button, but make sure to switch it on or off before you pick up the phone, so there won’t be any abnormal noise.

= If it’s the kind that is just a handset, you might want to install a switch for an on-off switch, instead of having the switch on the bottom down.

= Wire an “in-use” light into it, so that you don’t pick up the phone on someone.

Remember, you are treading into illegal territory. Don’t get caught, unless you like dishing out 100,000-200,000 buckaroos and/or having “Crusher Moe” breathing down your neck for 1-5 years. And don’t brag about your phun openly – who knows, maybe Ma Bell is listening! Brag behind a name (like me!).

I, the guy named NightJoker, do not accept any responsibility for any damage you, the reader, may cause. I will not pay bail, be your lawyer, or bake cakes with hacksaws in them. If you get caught, you are screwed, because I can’t help you. In other words: it ain’t my fault!


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